BFN

Andrea was at work when she got the news. Our Donor Egg nurse called to let her know that the beta was below 1 so that means the embies never even grew. They must have died during or after transfer. It was a blow to my heart. I cried at every given possibility. I knew that this was my only chance to have a dna child and well... now its gone. Everything happens for a reason though and I am happy that Andrea and I had the opportunity to try.

We got some interesting news from our RMA billing department the same day we found out that we weren't pregnant. Our insurance will cover one more ivf cycle. It will most certainly cover iui, but now I am torn. I dont know what to do. My heart says no! My heart cant take another heartache. I think Andrea is okay either way. The goal for her is baby 3. My dna or her dna it doesn't matter for her. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter either, but to my heart it does. I love my babies and they help heal my broken heart every day. I am not crushed anymore by any means, I am just sad and am mourning the loss.

What to do... what to do. IVF or iui or do we even pursue this anymore? I am not sure. We haven't really had the chance to talk about what our next steps should be because Andrea has been working and when we do have time together the kids occupy our every moment. We do however, have a meeting with our IVF Dr. on the 29th to figure out what may have gone wrong and what we should do next.  Until then, I just sit and wonder where this journey is going to lead us.

Cheers,

Micki

7dp5dt

Still negative, but I keep saying to myself its still too early to tell. Beta is on Thursday. Andrea still believes she is pregnant. I am hopeful. Fat lady hasn't sung yet!

d6p5dt

It's Day 6 post 5 day transfer and Andrea got another BFN. She still believes its too early to get a positive (which it is actually) and I am hanging on to her every word, symptom and hope. This has been a challenging few days (okay week) for me since we did the transfer. My emotions have been every where from omg, this worked, to maybe we have twins, to omg this didn't work and I feel as though I have to prepare myself for a big FAT BFN on blood test day. On the inside, I am a wreck, but on the outside I am calm cool and collected. I keep asking Andrea how she feels and if she thinks she's pregnant. She is optimistic and believes she is pregnant. She says she has that full numb feeling when she walks- that same feeling she had w. our other two children very early on. Her only sign that she was pregnant. I want to believe her with every fiber of my being, but I know that Progesterone can play nasty tricks on the body, but then again, she was on progesterone last time with Gigi but not with Javier. Hmmmm, now I am playing tricks on my mind. Where did my positive attitude a few days ago whither off to? I used to believe that this worked! I firmly believed that with out a shadow of a doubt that we would be pregnant. Why doubt? I tell ya why... FEAR! It gets me every time. I need to breathe and just trust that no matter what happens, God and or the Universe is going to give us what we need and not what we want, because life has an ironic way of working itself out. Andrea will POAS again tomorrow morning. I won't bug her to. It's her body. She will test again when she is ready. I love her for being so strong for the both of us right now. It's a real different role reversal. Normally, I feel for the both of us and Andrea thinks... at this point in the game, I am going to board her ship and just let us sail away to pregnant land. Micki

It's Transfer Day!

Life just has a way of working out, which is why I know that this embryo transfer is going to stick!!! From the get go, we have dealt with little adversity...from the insurance company to finding inexpensive meds on Craiglist and even having some online friends donate their expensive follie stims! To them I say "thank you a thousand times over" At my age, I created some beautiful eggs and have 7 embryos! Well today I will find out how many of those babies are cooking and how many survived. I know it will be good news because that's all we have received since we started day 1. Turns out today's transfer is going to happen at 2:30! It gives me just enough time to leave work, catch a train and hustle my ass to the RE's office and meet my wife on the 9th floor. I have chills! I have wanted to be a mommy since I can remember...and back in 2008 my son made me one...today is another dream come true! I am the luckiest girl in the world! Regardless of the outcome, I am happy that we got to travel down this road! At least when I am old and laying in bed dying, I can say that at least I tried... and that's truly all I ever wanted. p.s. I have the best wife in the world!