A Christmas Miracle ... No really!

Life has an amazing way of working out! I am absolutely stunned. I am shocked. I am thrilled. I am speechless. The only way to share the story is from the beginning. When we did ivf back in 2007, I was my wife's surrogate. We used donor 1913 from Fairfax and even joined the donor 1913 yahoo group and got to meet some of the other couples who used him as well. I was disappointed in 1913 because all the children didnt look latino. That was very important for us considering I am very latina looking. So, after I miscarried with our first ivf try (which devastated me) and then had the same outcome with ivf transfer #2, Andrea decided that since we were going to try again that we would find a new donor. And so we found donor 3794 at PRS. We fell in love with his profile and he even looked like he was a part of my family! Although I am not Colombian, like the donor, he is tall and part spanish. He has dark  latino features and personality wise he is a blend of me and my wife. We loved his essays and his family background. Since there were plenty of vials of 3794, we bought one vial and had it shipped to our clinic.

After my two failed ivf attempts, I passed the baton to my wife. We used 3794 and on the first try, she got pregnant with our little man Javier. We always knew we wanted another baby, so when PRS called to let us know that our donor was about to be fresh out of sperm we bought a 2 for 1 vial and a regular vial.  Fast forward 2 years later, we decided to have another baby. We used an RE at Kaiser Permanante in San Francisco. I picked up the 2 for 1 vial from PRS San Francisco and dropped it off at the dr's office. With one good egg, our RE inseminated. Once again Andrea got pregnant on the first try.  9 months later, we had Giada. 

Life took over and my job moved us to New York, where we met another couple from the DSR who used the same donor as us. They have a little girl 2 years younger than Javier. They decided to try for baby #2 and since they were out of donor 3794, we gave them our last vial at PRS because at the time we had decided that we were done having children. Unfortunately, they did NOT get pregnant. 

Well, as life would have it,  I decided I wanted to try for baby #3. A dna offspring. We were troubled because we had to find a new donor. PRS said that 3794 was all out and there was no way we could get more. That troubled us, but we went on the search for a new donor and we found one from fairfax like the first guy we used, but this guy was polish and colombian just like our children. My wife is polish and well that makes the kids polish and colombian and spanish. So, we once again we fell in love with another donor profile. We were excited. We did ivf again. My eggs and my wife's belly. If you have been following my blog, then you know we didnt get pregnant. It's totally okay, because everything happens for a reason. No really! 

So here is the kicker! My wife got a call today from Kaiser Permanante. The woman on the other line, said that they weren't storing sperm samples for patients anymore and that they had been trying to get a hold of my wife for a while now. My wife was baffled. She was like, what are you talking about? The woman elaborated that we had a vial of donor 3794 in storage at Kaiser. Andrea said that wasn't possible. Last time we did ivf we used the 2 for 1 vial sample. The woman replied with "Donor 3794. One vial. We have it in storage for you." 

Well hot damn! When we did our insemination that resulted in Giada, they only used one of the vials. No wonder the damn sperm sample was lower than expected. We thought they used BOTH!! Unbelievable, considering there was only one good egg which resulted in our baby girl! Talk about a miracle!!! 

So now we have another vial of donor 3794! When Andrea called to tell me the news, I started crying!! What a miracle. Thank god we didn't get pregnant! I can't imagine how we would feel if Andrea was pregnant and we had gotten the call. OMG, now we can try ivf again. My eggs, Andrea's body and the same sperm donor that helped create the two beautiful children we have NOW! OMG! Life is amazing and works in mysterious ways! Not sure when we will try again, but more than likely it will be in 2014!  What a sign. What an amazing miracle for us! unreal. I am floating! 

I needed some time to think

So our IVF back in October was unsuccessful. It broke my heart like it always does for women in my situation.  Its taken me some time to heal, but everything happens for a reason doesn't it? Yes. I kept asking myself why? And well, we got our answer just a few weeks after our BFN. I was let go from my position at the radio station I was working at for two years. Trust me, I was more upset that I wasn't pregnant .... I enjoy what I do on the radio but I was not happy at work. I am grateful the company honored my contract and honestly I can't say bad things about radio station I worked at... I wish everyone I worked with all the best. Honestly, I left with two gleaming recommendations.

Right now, I don't know what I am going to do. Well, I should include my wife in this shouldn't I? We don't know what we are going to do. Our goal is to stay here in NYC and make a go of it. I am considering a new career path and perhaps want to leave Radio all together because accepting another job in radio would probably mean leaving NYC and up rooting our family. Our children are so settled here and I guess frankly we are too.

My wife and I have one more paid ivf cycle to use with our insurance and we would like to try one more time.  My wife is more apprehensive than I am.  She says she is happy we aren't pregnant right now.  she doesn't say it to be mean. I am after all unemployed. I have to agree with her.

If we do another cycle our RE suggested we go for quality and not quantity. He also suggested we follow a different protocol. Femara for the first five days, then injections like Bravelle for a few days followed by Ganurelix and 2 ovidrel shots. He also suggested that we find a new sperm donor. I have to say I like this protocol. It's cheaper on the pocket book, but whats important is that we get 4 or 5 excellent eggs.

So, I am going to do my best and update on whats happening with the Gamez family. My wife's belly is open for business, its just not the right time for a grand opening. Cheers to hoping 2014 is the year!

xo,
Mick

BFN

Andrea was at work when she got the news. Our Donor Egg nurse called to let her know that the beta was below 1 so that means the embies never even grew. They must have died during or after transfer. It was a blow to my heart. I cried at every given possibility. I knew that this was my only chance to have a dna child and well... now its gone. Everything happens for a reason though and I am happy that Andrea and I had the opportunity to try.

We got some interesting news from our RMA billing department the same day we found out that we weren't pregnant. Our insurance will cover one more ivf cycle. It will most certainly cover iui, but now I am torn. I dont know what to do. My heart says no! My heart cant take another heartache. I think Andrea is okay either way. The goal for her is baby 3. My dna or her dna it doesn't matter for her. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter either, but to my heart it does. I love my babies and they help heal my broken heart every day. I am not crushed anymore by any means, I am just sad and am mourning the loss.

What to do... what to do. IVF or iui or do we even pursue this anymore? I am not sure. We haven't really had the chance to talk about what our next steps should be because Andrea has been working and when we do have time together the kids occupy our every moment. We do however, have a meeting with our IVF Dr. on the 29th to figure out what may have gone wrong and what we should do next.  Until then, I just sit and wonder where this journey is going to lead us.

Cheers,

Micki

7dp5dt

Still negative, but I keep saying to myself its still too early to tell. Beta is on Thursday. Andrea still believes she is pregnant. I am hopeful. Fat lady hasn't sung yet!

d6p5dt

It's Day 6 post 5 day transfer and Andrea got another BFN. She still believes its too early to get a positive (which it is actually) and I am hanging on to her every word, symptom and hope. This has been a challenging few days (okay week) for me since we did the transfer. My emotions have been every where from omg, this worked, to maybe we have twins, to omg this didn't work and I feel as though I have to prepare myself for a big FAT BFN on blood test day. On the inside, I am a wreck, but on the outside I am calm cool and collected. I keep asking Andrea how she feels and if she thinks she's pregnant. She is optimistic and believes she is pregnant. She says she has that full numb feeling when she walks- that same feeling she had w. our other two children very early on. Her only sign that she was pregnant. I want to believe her with every fiber of my being, but I know that Progesterone can play nasty tricks on the body, but then again, she was on progesterone last time with Gigi but not with Javier. Hmmmm, now I am playing tricks on my mind. Where did my positive attitude a few days ago whither off to? I used to believe that this worked! I firmly believed that with out a shadow of a doubt that we would be pregnant. Why doubt? I tell ya why... FEAR! It gets me every time. I need to breathe and just trust that no matter what happens, God and or the Universe is going to give us what we need and not what we want, because life has an ironic way of working itself out. Andrea will POAS again tomorrow morning. I won't bug her to. It's her body. She will test again when she is ready. I love her for being so strong for the both of us right now. It's a real different role reversal. Normally, I feel for the both of us and Andrea thinks... at this point in the game, I am going to board her ship and just let us sail away to pregnant land. Micki

It's Transfer Day!

Life just has a way of working out, which is why I know that this embryo transfer is going to stick!!! From the get go, we have dealt with little adversity...from the insurance company to finding inexpensive meds on Craiglist and even having some online friends donate their expensive follie stims! To them I say "thank you a thousand times over" At my age, I created some beautiful eggs and have 7 embryos! Well today I will find out how many of those babies are cooking and how many survived. I know it will be good news because that's all we have received since we started day 1. Turns out today's transfer is going to happen at 2:30! It gives me just enough time to leave work, catch a train and hustle my ass to the RE's office and meet my wife on the 9th floor. I have chills! I have wanted to be a mommy since I can remember...and back in 2008 my son made me one...today is another dream come true! I am the luckiest girl in the world! Regardless of the outcome, I am happy that we got to travel down this road! At least when I am old and laying in bed dying, I can say that at least I tried... and that's truly all I ever wanted. p.s. I have the best wife in the world!

I am starting to feel like myself again ... thanks Target bathroom

Now that retrieval is done and I don't have to do multiple injections of Gonal F, Menapur, & Ganarelix I am starting to come down off that hormonal high and feel more like a human being again. I realize that for the last two weeks I have been amped up, even forgetting if I have had certain conversations with people. Yea, I guess the meds can do that to ya. I did have some pain after the egg retrieval. So much so that I had to take serious pain meds! Yikes! For three days I laid in bed with the heating pad. Finally today I left the house with the family and ran some errands. At Target the sudden sensation to GO hit me! I had to use the bathroom. For a while I have been a little dry and plugged up but always regular. Well apparently its been a while since I have had a normal "bm" and I am sorry for the TMI. I ran to the bathroom stall and omg, did I have to go but nothing came out. It was stuck! OMG! I panicked. I cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom with sweat on my forehead- I found my wife and children waiting for me. I guess I had been in the stall for a long time, that they had finally come looking for me. I told my wife, who is a Physician Assistant, what was going on. I knew she would understand and help calm me down. She gave me this look of sorrow. I didn't know what to do. I looked around and saw that Target had private individual restrooms and I bolted in. I sat down and pushed and well low and behold I birthed a ton of waste and felt HUMAN again! I was deflated. It was amazing and I was relieved! My belly and my private area are still sensitive, but the pain has subsided. My wife on the other hand is not so happy these days. The progesterone in oil shots are no fun at all! It's called PIO for short and my poor wife has to endure the after effects of the shot. So far I have been giving the shots in the butt and rubbing the butt afterwards but the pain the day after is almost unbearable. She was in tears this morning. She can eventually switch to suppositories and pills, but our RE's office is against it before transfer. We know that its all in the name of baby so we keep on moving forward. Transfer is Tuesday. I am praying that one of the two embryos stick! Cheers, Micki

Egg Retrieval

We got to RMA at 10am. Not sure why they wanted us there so early, because my procedure wasn't until noon. I guess they wanted us there on time. At any rate, I was given some good drugs, knocked out for fifteen minutes and woken up in the recovery room. The nurse informed me that Dr. M was able to get 9 eggs. I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I wanted 15 or more, but 9 is good especially for someone my age. I had cramps afterwards and went home and slept the day away. Today I went to work and felt worse. I think from the bladder infection I got. Hmm, how'd that happen? Last minute romp in bed before the 2ww? Seems suspect to me. I was in some serious pain, but on the flip I started to feel more like myself and not so "amped" up on hormones. We finally got the call from RMA to find out how many embryos were made. Out of the 9 eggs, 7 became embies! Not bad at all. Unfortunately they had to do icsi due to poor sperm quality. ICSI is where they actually insert the sperm into the egg. It's an expensive and delicate procedure! Glad they didn't have to do it on the account of my egg quality. You better believe I called Fairfax (the sperm bank) today to file a complaint. RMA will call the bank on Monday to give sperm count details and inform fairfax of what went wrong. I want my money back on the 2 vials we paid good money for last month! Sperm is not cheap! All in all, I would do this again if we had to. I surprised myself in that I am not afraid of needles anymore. Yes, my belly looks like a pin cushion but thats okay. It's all worth it. Tonight I am just taking it easy watching some Golden Girls and allowing the pain meds to work. I am still floored that on Tuesday we have the embryo transfer and will then be in the 2ww! It's as though it were meant to be.... Cheers, Micki

Fresh off the farm to the market!

I am living in this surreal moment right now! I am floating where ever I go because I can grow eggs! I really thought that my fertility was gone back in the 90s when I suffered from endometriosis and fibroid cysts on my ovaries. I remember my doctor once saying that after 25, my ability to have a child would be near to impossible. Well, he was right except for the mere fact that I am a lesbian and my wife can carry my dna to have our third little. Modern technology is amazing! Expensive, but amazing! I am not sure exactly how many eggs I have. Once it was 8, then 12, then back to 10...maybe now 11? What I do know is that all of them are growing!! We went in for our final u/s and blood work this morning and I have follicles that range from 24mm to 18mm. The doctor, whom we have never seen before said that my 41 year old eggs look GREAT! What an awesome feeling! All that kinda got shot to hell when she looked over at Andrea and asked if we were sisters. I was stunned. I mean Andrea and I look nothing alike! First off, she is five foot and in excellent shape! Lets not forget the fact that she is much paler than I. I kindly smiled, as she handled the u/s probe which was gently inserted inside me, and said that Andrea is in fact my wife and she will be carrying my embryos. The Dr. didn't have much to say after that...argghh! Really?! Tomorrow is retrieval day and I can't believe that on Friday we will find out how many Embryos my eggs and our donor sperm will create. I pray that they all develop into grade A embies fresh from my ovaries into the belly of my wife! As long as one takes, we are golden!

It's almost retrieval time

Some would say we are crazy, but we have decided to add another "little" to our family of four. Right now my wife and I have two children both her dna and full siblings. I love my babies to the moon and back and then some! I always say "I love you infinity!" They are enough and if we never have another baby again, I am totally okay with it. So, how did we come about baby #3? Well, the journey began when my wife signed up for premium health insurance. She found out that it covered ivf. It's not the only reason we decided to move forward with a "little", but it sure helped solidify our plan. We could afford it! We knew from the get go, about seven years ago, that if I couldn't carry (which I can't) that we would try at least once to help me go through ivf so that my wife can carry my dna and I guess at the ripe age of 41, its time. Wow! Not only is it really happening, but its working! I have 10 eggs so far and all are ready to hatch. Okay, well not really hatch. I am not a chicken. Ha! But I am ready for retrieval on Thursday. Andrea's uterus is ready and well, I can't believe in two weeks we could possibly find out that we are having another baby... a Little as we call him/her in our family. Cheers, Micki