The IVF Whirlwind

Lots has happened since our Christmas miracle. We let the original vial of our original sperm donor slip through our fingers. It was destroyed by Kaiser because we failed to give them an answer as to where we wanted the vial shipped (to another facility). It was a bitter sweet moment, but one that we both knew was right because we are officially done having children. I am sure you are wondering how I feel about our developing news and interestingly enough, I am relieved... sometimes.

I had a lot of issues after ivf. I ended up having a nasty little complex cyst on my ovary that wreaked havoc for many months in my lower region. It was finally removed in February, along with my appendix oh and I had a fun d & c. I also had a bladder treatment done to make sure that everything was okay. Needless to say, from the moment I had the egg retrieval, I have been in pain. Luckily, my pain has subsided except for my periods. They are no fun!

I am ready to move on from having a dna child. I am lucky to be the mom of two beautiful children that I had in my heart. We have such a wonderful relationship and they complete me. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened or if we could really try again, but then I think about where we are in life. I am already 42. Our children are older and are self sufficient for the most part. My marriage is no longer on the back burner and my wife and I more involved than we used to be. There is still a tiny space in my heart that wishes I could have had a dna child,  but as time passes its gets smaller and smaller.

This experience has brought our family closer and I know that my wife feels sorry sometimes that I couldn't have one of our babies, but life happens the way its supposed to, so I guess we will count our blessings and move on.

A Christmas Miracle ... No really!

Life has an amazing way of working out! I am absolutely stunned. I am shocked. I am thrilled. I am speechless. The only way to share the story is from the beginning. When we did ivf back in 2007, I was my wife's surrogate. We used donor 1913 from Fairfax and even joined the donor 1913 yahoo group and got to meet some of the other couples who used him as well. I was disappointed in 1913 because all the children didnt look latino. That was very important for us considering I am very latina looking. So, after I miscarried with our first ivf try (which devastated me) and then had the same outcome with ivf transfer #2, Andrea decided that since we were going to try again that we would find a new donor. And so we found donor 3794 at PRS. We fell in love with his profile and he even looked like he was a part of my family! Although I am not Colombian, like the donor, he is tall and part spanish. He has dark  latino features and personality wise he is a blend of me and my wife. We loved his essays and his family background. Since there were plenty of vials of 3794, we bought one vial and had it shipped to our clinic.

After my two failed ivf attempts, I passed the baton to my wife. We used 3794 and on the first try, she got pregnant with our little man Javier. We always knew we wanted another baby, so when PRS called to let us know that our donor was about to be fresh out of sperm we bought a 2 for 1 vial and a regular vial.  Fast forward 2 years later, we decided to have another baby. We used an RE at Kaiser Permanante in San Francisco. I picked up the 2 for 1 vial from PRS San Francisco and dropped it off at the dr's office. With one good egg, our RE inseminated. Once again Andrea got pregnant on the first try.  9 months later, we had Giada. 

Life took over and my job moved us to New York, where we met another couple from the DSR who used the same donor as us. They have a little girl 2 years younger than Javier. They decided to try for baby #2 and since they were out of donor 3794, we gave them our last vial at PRS because at the time we had decided that we were done having children. Unfortunately, they did NOT get pregnant. 

Well, as life would have it,  I decided I wanted to try for baby #3. A dna offspring. We were troubled because we had to find a new donor. PRS said that 3794 was all out and there was no way we could get more. That troubled us, but we went on the search for a new donor and we found one from fairfax like the first guy we used, but this guy was polish and colombian just like our children. My wife is polish and well that makes the kids polish and colombian and spanish. So, we once again we fell in love with another donor profile. We were excited. We did ivf again. My eggs and my wife's belly. If you have been following my blog, then you know we didnt get pregnant. It's totally okay, because everything happens for a reason. No really! 

So here is the kicker! My wife got a call today from Kaiser Permanante. The woman on the other line, said that they weren't storing sperm samples for patients anymore and that they had been trying to get a hold of my wife for a while now. My wife was baffled. She was like, what are you talking about? The woman elaborated that we had a vial of donor 3794 in storage at Kaiser. Andrea said that wasn't possible. Last time we did ivf we used the 2 for 1 vial sample. The woman replied with "Donor 3794. One vial. We have it in storage for you." 

Well hot damn! When we did our insemination that resulted in Giada, they only used one of the vials. No wonder the damn sperm sample was lower than expected. We thought they used BOTH!! Unbelievable, considering there was only one good egg which resulted in our baby girl! Talk about a miracle!!! 

So now we have another vial of donor 3794! When Andrea called to tell me the news, I started crying!! What a miracle. Thank god we didn't get pregnant! I can't imagine how we would feel if Andrea was pregnant and we had gotten the call. OMG, now we can try ivf again. My eggs, Andrea's body and the same sperm donor that helped create the two beautiful children we have NOW! OMG! Life is amazing and works in mysterious ways! Not sure when we will try again, but more than likely it will be in 2014!  What a sign. What an amazing miracle for us! unreal. I am floating! 

I needed some time to think

So our IVF back in October was unsuccessful. It broke my heart like it always does for women in my situation.  Its taken me some time to heal, but everything happens for a reason doesn't it? Yes. I kept asking myself why? And well, we got our answer just a few weeks after our BFN. I was let go from my position at the radio station I was working at for two years. Trust me, I was more upset that I wasn't pregnant .... I enjoy what I do on the radio but I was not happy at work. I am grateful the company honored my contract and honestly I can't say bad things about radio station I worked at... I wish everyone I worked with all the best. Honestly, I left with two gleaming recommendations.

Right now, I don't know what I am going to do. Well, I should include my wife in this shouldn't I? We don't know what we are going to do. Our goal is to stay here in NYC and make a go of it. I am considering a new career path and perhaps want to leave Radio all together because accepting another job in radio would probably mean leaving NYC and up rooting our family. Our children are so settled here and I guess frankly we are too.

My wife and I have one more paid ivf cycle to use with our insurance and we would like to try one more time.  My wife is more apprehensive than I am.  She says she is happy we aren't pregnant right now.  she doesn't say it to be mean. I am after all unemployed. I have to agree with her.

If we do another cycle our RE suggested we go for quality and not quantity. He also suggested we follow a different protocol. Femara for the first five days, then injections like Bravelle for a few days followed by Ganurelix and 2 ovidrel shots. He also suggested that we find a new sperm donor. I have to say I like this protocol. It's cheaper on the pocket book, but whats important is that we get 4 or 5 excellent eggs.

So, I am going to do my best and update on whats happening with the Gamez family. My wife's belly is open for business, its just not the right time for a grand opening. Cheers to hoping 2014 is the year!

xo,
Mick

BFN

Andrea was at work when she got the news. Our Donor Egg nurse called to let her know that the beta was below 1 so that means the embies never even grew. They must have died during or after transfer. It was a blow to my heart. I cried at every given possibility. I knew that this was my only chance to have a dna child and well... now its gone. Everything happens for a reason though and I am happy that Andrea and I had the opportunity to try.

We got some interesting news from our RMA billing department the same day we found out that we weren't pregnant. Our insurance will cover one more ivf cycle. It will most certainly cover iui, but now I am torn. I dont know what to do. My heart says no! My heart cant take another heartache. I think Andrea is okay either way. The goal for her is baby 3. My dna or her dna it doesn't matter for her. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter either, but to my heart it does. I love my babies and they help heal my broken heart every day. I am not crushed anymore by any means, I am just sad and am mourning the loss.

What to do... what to do. IVF or iui or do we even pursue this anymore? I am not sure. We haven't really had the chance to talk about what our next steps should be because Andrea has been working and when we do have time together the kids occupy our every moment. We do however, have a meeting with our IVF Dr. on the 29th to figure out what may have gone wrong and what we should do next.  Until then, I just sit and wonder where this journey is going to lead us.

Cheers,

Micki

7dp5dt

Still negative, but I keep saying to myself its still too early to tell. Beta is on Thursday. Andrea still believes she is pregnant. I am hopeful. Fat lady hasn't sung yet!

d6p5dt

It's Day 6 post 5 day transfer and Andrea got another BFN. She still believes its too early to get a positive (which it is actually) and I am hanging on to her every word, symptom and hope. This has been a challenging few days (okay week) for me since we did the transfer. My emotions have been every where from omg, this worked, to maybe we have twins, to omg this didn't work and I feel as though I have to prepare myself for a big FAT BFN on blood test day. On the inside, I am a wreck, but on the outside I am calm cool and collected. I keep asking Andrea how she feels and if she thinks she's pregnant. She is optimistic and believes she is pregnant. She says she has that full numb feeling when she walks- that same feeling she had w. our other two children very early on. Her only sign that she was pregnant. I want to believe her with every fiber of my being, but I know that Progesterone can play nasty tricks on the body, but then again, she was on progesterone last time with Gigi but not with Javier. Hmmmm, now I am playing tricks on my mind. Where did my positive attitude a few days ago whither off to? I used to believe that this worked! I firmly believed that with out a shadow of a doubt that we would be pregnant. Why doubt? I tell ya why... FEAR! It gets me every time. I need to breathe and just trust that no matter what happens, God and or the Universe is going to give us what we need and not what we want, because life has an ironic way of working itself out. Andrea will POAS again tomorrow morning. I won't bug her to. It's her body. She will test again when she is ready. I love her for being so strong for the both of us right now. It's a real different role reversal. Normally, I feel for the both of us and Andrea thinks... at this point in the game, I am going to board her ship and just let us sail away to pregnant land. Micki

It's Transfer Day!

Life just has a way of working out, which is why I know that this embryo transfer is going to stick!!! From the get go, we have dealt with little adversity...from the insurance company to finding inexpensive meds on Craiglist and even having some online friends donate their expensive follie stims! To them I say "thank you a thousand times over" At my age, I created some beautiful eggs and have 7 embryos! Well today I will find out how many of those babies are cooking and how many survived. I know it will be good news because that's all we have received since we started day 1. Turns out today's transfer is going to happen at 2:30! It gives me just enough time to leave work, catch a train and hustle my ass to the RE's office and meet my wife on the 9th floor. I have chills! I have wanted to be a mommy since I can remember...and back in 2008 my son made me one...today is another dream come true! I am the luckiest girl in the world! Regardless of the outcome, I am happy that we got to travel down this road! At least when I am old and laying in bed dying, I can say that at least I tried... and that's truly all I ever wanted. p.s. I have the best wife in the world!